Michael Bay diarrhea
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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