No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
