I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The struggles of a small town man whore
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
