I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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