Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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