I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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