who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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