My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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