If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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