My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
