using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
