Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
