Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
