Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
