can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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