remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
