So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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