you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When did angry sex become our thing?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
