There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
