thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
