Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
