I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
