you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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