the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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