I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
