what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
