We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
