please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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