no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
