girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
