I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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