Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
