Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
