i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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