you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
