Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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