So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Bring me that man meat
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
