We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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