omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
