you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
