Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
