There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Semen is not good for contacts.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
