atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
