Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
