She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
