Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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