I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
