So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
