Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
