Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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